


and ten thousand more

by DreamBrother



Series: mālama [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamBrother/pseuds/DreamBrother
Summary: “Alright, so that’s twenty to Adam for guessing that Danny would send a list, and thirty to Noelani for guessing how soon after Steve leaves him that we get the email,” Lou says as Quinn opens up her inbox on the big screen. “What was the next bet?”“How many rules Danny would have for Steve,” Junior replies.“Yeah, I’m thinking fifty, easy,” says Tani.“No way, have you seen Danny type? Ten, if we’re lucky,” Adam counters.A follow-up toten thousand relatives
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: mālama [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764082
Comments: 55
Kudos: 278





	and ten thousand more

**Author's Note:**

> I was blown away by the response to [ten thousand relatives](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548522). Whilst this is nowhere near the same level (I think) as the first fic which was an effortless creation of my sleeping mind, I hope this one makes you smile, as that is my one aim.

At the same moment that Steve McGarrett gets into his car after dropping his partner off at the airport, the phones of the remaining Five-O members beep to denote a new email. 

As soon as they see the sender and subject line, they all leave their individual offices and gather around the tech table. 

“Alright, so that’s twenty to Adam for guessing that Danny would send a list, and thirty to Noelani for guessing how soon after Steve leaves him that we get the email,” Lou says as Quinn opens up her inbox on the big screen. “What was the next bet?”

“How many rules Danny would have for Steve,” Junior replies.

“Yeah, I’m thinking fifty, easy,” says Tani.

“No way, have you seen Danny type? Ten, if we’re lucky,” Adam counters. 

“Okay, everyone get out their phones, text me their numbers, and let’s get started. Knowing McGarrett, he’s probably going to call us in five minutes with a case he’s forced out of Duke just so he doesn’t have to go home to an empty house and bed. Junes, tell Kamekona and Noelani to do the same?”

“Sure thing.”

“Alright,” Lou says with a decisive nod. “Quinn, open up the list, let’s read this bad boy before the bad boy gets here.”

With a few taps, the email they all received opens up on the big screen and they start reading as one. 

**From:** WilliamsD@fiveo.gov

 **To:** GroverL@fiveo.gov; NoshimuriA@fiveo.gov; ReiT@fiveo.gov; ReignsJ@fiveo.gov; LiuQ@fiveo.gov; NoelaniCunha@oahumedical.org; LukelaD@hpd.gov 

**CC:** Kamekona@shrimplove.com 

**Subject:** The care and feeding of Neanderthal animals

So I know you guys know how to look after each other, and how to watch Steve’s back, but this is the first time that Steve and I are going to be apart since the whole thing with Daiyu Mei and his misguided attempt to walk the earth in search of something that was sitting on his beach all along (i.e. me) so just in case he goes a bit crazier than his usual cray-cray whilst I’m in Jersey for the next two weeks visiting my family, I wrote the following down in case that helps. 

  1. Do not let Steve find out this list exists. He will probably either die of laughter or die of an aneurysm. Neither would be good
  2. No, seriously. Whoever reveals this list to Steve, intentionally or unintentionally, will feel the Jersey fury. 
  3. Do not let Steve come to ANY harm whilst I’m gone.
    1. This includes, but is not limited to, physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, psychological and/or physiological harm
    2. This means you’ll have to resist the urge to punch him if/when he becomes extra annoying because I’ve been gone for over two days in a row
  4. Do not let Steve go anywhere without back-up
    1. Read that again. And again. I’m serious. 
    2. If he tries to go anywhere without back-up, remind him of the time he got stabbed in the back by a serial killer and then handed over to Mr. and Mrs. Serial Killer to be killed because he went off on his own.
  5. Do not let Steve leave Oahu whilst I’m away
    1. Put his name on the no-fly list if you have to
    2. If he starts looking twitchy and like the guy from Kung-Fu, call me
  6. Do not let Steve fuck off on a secret mission for a mysterious old friend that may have appeared, or if he is approached by the following agencies:
    1. The fucking Navy
    2. The motherfucking CIA
  7. If he mentions any of the following people, in conversation or in passing or whatever, text me:
    1. Wo Fat (and all relatives of Wo Fat, known or unknown)
    2. Victor or Anton Hesse
    3. Nick Taylor (asshole)
    4. Lindsay Greer (bitch)
    5. His father
    6. His mother/Shelburne
    7. Joe White
    8. Freddie Hart
    9. Jenna Kaye
  8. Do not bring up anyone in the above list in conversation with Steve
  9. If anyone purporting to be acting in the representative capacity of anyone in the above list, but especially his goddamn mother, shows up - keep them away from Steve
    1. If they get to Steve first, do not let him out of your sight until I’m back
  10. If an old girlfriend or even just an old friend shows up, don’t leave Steve alone with them and text me immediately
    1. If Catherine Rollins shows up, CALL ME IMMEDIATELY
  11. If he brings up any of his old missions/operations in conversation, call me
    1. ESPECIALLY if he mentions Operation Strawberry Fields
    2. Do not mention Operation Strawberry Fields to him
  12. Do not let him spend hours alone in the house
    1. Junior, Tani - now would be a good time to develop a leak in your house that requires you to move back in with McGarrett whilst it’s fixed, which will happen to take the same amount of time as my trip back east. Don’t say mold, he’ll be suspicious. 
    2. Try not to have sex too loudly when you’re crashing with him - he’ll go swimming for longer out of embarrassment and end up drowning
    3. If you hear him walking around late at night when he should be asleep, call me - doesn’t matter what time it’ll be in Jersey
  13. Do not let him spend hours working on that hunk of sentimental metal junk heap that is the Marquis
    1. If you need him distracted for a couple of hours on a weekend or in the evening, text the word ‘marshmallow’ to Rachel - she’ll call with an excuse that’ll require Steve to babysit Charlie for a couple of hours. 
    2. If you catch a case involving a dead kid, text the word ‘cookie dough’ to Rachel and Grace and Nahele when the case is finished - they’ll know what to do (make sure you text me too)
  14. If he starts spending too much time in the garage, text me. 
    1. If he brings a red toolbox out of the garage into the study, call me
  15. If his runs or his swims get longer than average, text me
    1. If he starts going for a run after a swim or vice versa, call me
    2. If he says he’s running and swimming longer because he’s signed Five-O up for a team triathlon or some shit like that, I expect you to deal with it promptly and correctly i.e. get me the fuck out of it, I’m not doing no fucking triathlon, I’ve just been fucking shot
  16. Do not let Steve adopt or buy a new pet
    1. Seriously. I’m already fighting with Eddie for first place in Steve’s heart, I can’t compete with a newborn puppy or kitten, I’m too old now
  17. Do not let Steve damage my car
    1. It’s okay if he damages his truck as long as he himself isn’t damaged (fucking hate that red truck - midlife crisis, anyone?)
  18. Do not let Steve drives Magnum’s Ferrari
    1. If he does, you text me, and you take the keys of the Camaro off of him
  19. Do not Steve damage himself, or anyone else in the team, or the wider public (unless they’re a criminal in which case make sure he doesn’t damage himself damaging them)
    1. This includes not letting Steve get some stupid new tattoo whilst I’m away
    2. I mean it. If his way of showing he misses me is an ‘I heart Danno’ tattoo, I will laugh in his face and this will hurt his feelings and that will break rule 3.1, so don’t let him do it. 
  20. Do not let Steve destroy the island in any significant way
    1. This means no letting him buy that very big gun he’s been meaning to buy
    2. This means you’ll have to ‘disappear’ the weapons request form from his out-try every other day whilst I’m away
  21. Do not let Steve get arrested. By anyone.
    1. If he does get arrested, take a few pictures of him in cuffs before you get him off
    2. Send me the pictures
  22. If Steve seems a bit down, try the following:
    1. Compliment Eddie
    2. Compliment the fucking Marquis
    3. Compliment his cargo pants (I know, they’re all the same, and you can’t tell the difference, but just do it)
    4. Compliment his face - I know he looks like a Greek god to the rest of us but his self-esteem is shit
    5. Take him fishing (let him catch the big fish, Lou)
    6. Organize a poker night (but don’t let him win, he can’t bluff for shit and he’ll get suspicious if you let him win when he never wins)
    7. Talk shit about Jersey (but this should be the last option, because you know I’ll find out)
    8. Pay for something for him (his food, his coffee, his beers, his fuel, his entire goddamn life if you feel like giving my wallet a break)
    9. Buy him some grass-fed butter, the expensive kind (don’t ask, just do it) - pretend you got it in some sort of two-for-one deal if you don’t want to raise his suspicions
    10. Buy him some new cargo pants if you can’t afford the grass-fed butter - I’m sure Wal-mart sells his cargo pants at five for a dollar
    11. Take him surfing (but not to where the pros surf - he’ll get competitive and end up braining himself with his own surfboard)
    12. DO NOT take him hiking - he will fall and crack his head open (see rule #3)
    13. Take him for some garlic shrimp at Kamekona’s - it’s not like he’ll be kissing anyone whilst I’m away
  23. If he starts saying nice things about me, call an ambulance, he’s clearly having a stroke
    1. This includes him saying nice things about Jersey, or even that it would be nice to visit Jersey
  24. Don’t let Steve eat his body weight in malasadas
  25. Don’t let Steve eat his body weight in healthy shit
  26. If Steve displays any of the following faces, call me - I’ve attached photos for reference if you’re not sure what they are:
    1. Kicked puppy face
    2. Lost puppy face
    3. Someone killed my puppy face (aka the John Wick) - this is super, super bad, so be sure it’s really this face you’re seeing because it won’t be cheap for me to change my flight to get back to Oahu ASAP if he has this face.
    4. ‘Imma kill a bitch’ face but only if this appears outside of a case
  27. If Steve says ANYTHING along the lines of, “we don’t need to bother Danny with this information whilst he is away”, IGNORE him and CALL me immediately
  28. If Ste-



“Is that a new case?”

It would have been embarrassing to see five of the seven members of Hawaii’s most elite task force jump a foot in the air had it not been so funny. As one, they whirl around towards the source of the sound.

“Steve!” 

“Boss-man!”

“Sir!”

Lou and Adam, two of the first to recover from the shock, try to use their height to collectively block as much of the screen as possible from sight. 

“What’s going on?” 

The look on Steve’s face can only be described as a cross between ‘kicked puppy’ face and ‘someone killed my puppy’ face, causing Tani to surreptitiously start reaching for the phone in her pocket. A glare aimed in her direction makes her freeze in her tracks but which provides Quinn enough of a distraction to swap Danny’s email for the next one in her inbox, an advert for 20% off a Guns and Ammo magazine subscription. However, her actions are noted and a shiver runs up her spine when Steve’s hooded gaze lands on her. 

“Sir,” Junior steps forward in a courageous attempt to have his boss’s focus on him but a quirk of an eyebrow is enough to cause him to step back in line with his other teammates, chastened. 

“That was an email from Danny. Why do you guys have an email from Danny up on the screen?”

Adam, clearly reluctant to face the Jersey fury that will follow the breaking of rule #1, reaches a hand forward. “Steve,” he begins, “Danny-.” The gods must have been smiling down on Adam that morning because a loud ringing tone that all present identity as the specific tone Steve has set for Danny’s calls interrupts whatever excuse Adam had been planning to make up on the spot. 

Holding their breaths, the group watches as Steve pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it up to his ear.

“Hey Danno, shouldn’t you be in the air right now? What? Really? So what does that mean? You serious? Okayokay, I’m comin’, I’m comin’! Jesus.”

“What’s wrong?” Lou asks as Steve hangs up and looks at them all. 

“Danny’s flight got canceled - apparently the plane’s electrics kept fizzing out and United doesn't have a spare plane on standby, so he’s gonna have to delay his flight for a few days. I’m gonna go pick him up, take him back home.” 

It’s clear that Steve is trying to keep the expression he had on before the phone call from Danny but he’s failing, a smile breaking free on the edges of his lips. With a final nod, Steve turns around and leaves the office causing the remaining team-members to breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Well, that was a close one. Okay, back to work everybody,” Lou says before heading back to his office to finish watching Johnny Miller compile a sublime 83 in the 1973 US Open golf major tournament, Adam and Junior going to Junior’s office to continue their paused Mario Kart race. 

Quinn and Tani remain by the tech-table and twenty minutes later they’re joined again by the remaining men of Five-O as the ladies finish hacking into the camera systems at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport in time to see Steve almost barrel over Danny with a hug. There are cheers and wolf-whistles in the Five-O offices as the hug turns into a passionate kiss just this side of crossing the line into public indecency. 

“That was a new expression on Steve, never seen that one before. What’s that one called?” Quinn whispers to Tani as Steve takes the bag off of Danny’s grip and with an arm around his shoulder starts leading the blond man towards where the Camaro has been parked slightly illegally in Arrivals. 

“That, my friend, is the face of a man who’s realized he’ll be having more than his own hand for company in bed tonight,” Tani whispers back with a smirk. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, your kudos and comments are like sunshine on a cloudy day (or actually, clouds on a sunny day, as I hate the heat and the sun...)
> 
> If you have any suggestions for Danny's rules for Steve-wrangling, feel free to suggest some! You'll note the team never got around to finish reading the list...
> 
> Also, I'm on Tumblr as [dreambrother89](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dreambrother89) \- feel free to send prompts, I will have plenty of writing time in July :-)


End file.
